Evil

We don’t judge to be just; we judge to justify.

I mean, look at us. We all lie to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror.

In our heads, we direct grand scenarios with us in the spotlight, twist and tilt our perspectives, even delicately craft reasons that justify our mistakes, all the desperate measures to pull our self-esteem out of that abyss.

When we see character flaws and mistakes, sometimes we silently wonder, “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?” Perhaps we are saving ourselves the shame by looking down on them, or perhaps we gain relief by how relatable they are, that we are not alone.

What about true villains who have more than adequate intentions to harm? Murderers? Loan sharks? Abusers? Rapists? Bigots? What they do is unforgivable, but I wonder if some of us are just pointing fingers to be on the opposite side of blame, running away from the fear of finding similarities between us and them in their darkest nook.

Imagine someone who had intentionally murdered other people’s child. Say they had a child, and that child was murdered. Do they deserve that? The child doesn’t, obviously, but do they?

They do. They don't. There are more than one answers to the dilemma, but don't forget that we judge not only others, but also ourselves, and we are inevitably biased.

At the deepest, it can be a looping whirlpool of guilt from which we try to claw our way out, but don't fight it.

Inhale it.

Maybe your past is evil. Your parents are evil. Your environment is evil. Maybe even the universe is evil, but don’t forget that you are, at whatever degree, no matter how you try to conceal it, evil.

You can’t be good if you don’t see evil, and true virtue is a result, not a goal. You’ll never make it if you fake it. If you’re tired of lying just to be able to look at yourselves in the mirror, maybe you should give that inner judge a big hug and invite them for tea. Let them tell you how evil you are, and breathe it in.

I find a strange delight in finding a particular brightness in embracing your darkness.

Disclaimer: I said embrace your darkness, not bring evil into reality. Cut it out, Joe Goldberg.